Keila Tyner

Consultant & Speaker

Look Better. Feel Better. Live Better.

Dr. Keila Tyner is a trained image consultant with a commitment to develop one’s authentic style.  As a personal fashion and wardrobe stylist, her expertise lies in cultivating and presenting a professional appearance and identity to others with specific focus on nonverbal communication and charisma.  Keila has spent her career researching image and dress, and has trained several professionals and hundreds of students in the social and psychological aspects of the presentation of the self.  She coaches clients on how to develop the proper appearance, wardrobe, nonverbal skills, and charisma to project a positive, professional image. In addition to individual consultations, Keila delivers engaging and interactive presentations for corporations seeking to empower a workforce to reflect the brand and emulate its overall corporate culture.

 

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Mind over matter...

Has anyone ever considered that maybe we should focus on changing our minds instead of focusing on changing our bodies?  How many New Year’s Resolutions did you make that were related to changing your body?  Most people make resolutions like “I will lose 15 pounds in the next 3 months” or “I will exercise 5 days a week”, etc.  I believe that promoting healthy eating and exercise habits are a good thing but ultimately, how often do these weight loss attempts fail?  On average, I’m guessing 97% of the time.  And then how does that make you feel?  Not so great about yourself! So why are we still making the same resolutions each year, only to be left feeling like failures by March (or even June if you can survive that long on celery sticks)?  What is that common definition of insanity…it’s something like repeating the same behavior over and over again, expecting different results.  Maybe this year is the year to decide to change your mind instead!

How do you go about changing your mind about your body?  Its simple really.  The first step is to stop berating yourself about the way you look!  You must first stop those thoughts when they come up in your mind.  Take just one day and tally all the times you think about your body - now in that tally be sure to note if the thought was positive or negative.  By and large, your several thoughts a day about your body will be negative in nature.  Do any of these statements sound familiar to you?

I look fat in this outfit.  Does my husband think I look fat in this?  Everyone will see my body and be disgusted.  Why should I even bother with my appearance, there is no use.  I am ugly.  I am unattractive.  I wish my thighs were smaller.  I wish my boobs were bigger or perkier.  Wow, I am having a bad hair day.  My face is full of zits.  My face has too many wrinkles.  Do they make Spanx bodysuits because I need one for my all my problem areas.  I would be more loved if I was thinner.  

A dear friend of mine was speaking at a leadership event and told a story about her 5 year old daughter.  The young daughter was getting ready with her mom in the morning and looked into the mirror, burst into giggles and smiles, and said, “I am so beautiful!” My friend went on to say that she burst out laughing too, and was taken by her daughter’s complete honesty and conviction in her own beauty.  She realized how powerful that was and what a great lesson her young daughter taught her that day.  

We have been brought up in a culture that encourages us to “one-up” each other on negative body talk…”Oh you think your thighs are fat, have you seen mine!”  Or when shopping together and you try to outdo each other with the “I’m so fat” and “I look awful in this” comments.  If you stop and take a moment to think about these behaviors, what should strike you is: (a) WTF? and (b) this is absurd behavior!  And can you imagine what that does to your young children?  Girls report dieting regularly by the age of 8!  More on this topic to come later.

So back to how do you get out of this pattern of self-destruction and self-sabotage.  You replace those negative body comments with positive ones.  This will feel incredibly uncomfortable at first and you should know that if it doesn’t feel uncomfortable, it’s not working yet.  Focus on thoughts like these:

My body is beautiful.  I look radiant today!  Wow, I’m having a great hair day.  I am gorgeous.  I’ve never looked better.  I am loved just the way I am.

This may sound a little crazy but perception is reality and the sooner you change your own perception, the sooner you will set yourself free.  So go take a good, long, hard look in the mirror, burst into giggles and delight while you say out loud to yourself, “I am so beautiful!” Because you know what, you are beautiful!